Magis Catholic

Trust Is Grace

April 10, 2021

Trust issues come from our need for safety.

People say that no one gets through this life unscarred. We tend to work for our own self-interest, which often conflicts with the needs of our partners, families, and friends. We feel the need to develop a thicker skin in order to accomplish our goals and get what we want. We know how to steel ourselves against rejection, failure, and disappointment by learning to expect and prepare for the worst possible outcomes. We operate with a lack of trust for one another, always needing confirmation through hard evidence before we make any decisions. This is our true normal, and we have grown so used to functioning with our trust issues that we don’t notice how much our lives could be richer and fuller if we just learned to trust each other more.

What’s holding us back? I believe that it’s mainly a fear of old pain and a desire to feel safe and dodge suffering. We do not want to repeat the horrors of the past, and with this comes the urge to protect our broken pieces from shattering again. I say this because past traumatic experiences have resulted not only to my unwillingness to trust, but also to an unconscious fear of vulnerability and a tendency to push people away. I have built a wall around my heart to protect myself from disappointment.

I have conditioned myself to be self-sustaining, which has evolved into an extreme form of independence rooted in the idea that if I’m solely responsible for the things that I will do, then I can only blame myself if I choose wrongly. If I can control how to deal with the issues as they arise, then I can work on fixing my mistakes whenever I would make some. In this bubble, I am alone. It is both a terrible and a comforting thing. I felt safe in this hiding spot, and I thought that no one can hurt me in here. These walls not only forced people out of my life, but it also caged me in. I became a prisoner by my own design.

Trust is freely given by God.

In his homily from this morning’s Holy Mass, Fr. Malicdem said that for God, trust is grace. Jesus doesn’t wait for us to be trustworthy, He simply trusts us because He loves us. Contrary to how the world tells us that trust is supposed to be something that you earn (just like how love follows only after a person meets a certain criteria), the Lord trusts us freely out of His love for us. God assumes – and therefore – brings out the best in us, as we respond to His trust by trying to be worthy of it.

Furthermore, God calls us to trust His people. Fr. Malicdem explained that when we trust each other, we experience the resurrection of Christ as we place our hope and faith in one another. There is joy in this message. I would like to believe that we can learn to trust again. We begin by looking at the love of Christ.

Jesus loves imperfect people.

God does not have a hardened heart. He desires to be close to us, and He is out to encounter the real, vulnerable, and imperfect people whom He loves. He is filled with joy when we return to Him. He is the merciful father who runs to embrace the prodigal son.

Jesus Christ, the sinless one who can throw the first stone, refused to condemn the sinner. He didn’t judge people based on their sin. His love does not only see us in our best state, but He sees us in the worst possible light and perseveres anyway. He pursues us anyway. From the cross, Jesus always looks at us with compassion because He knows that we need God’s saving grace. To know that even when we fall, His love never fails. That it’s okay to be broken and incomplete because He will accomplish whatever is lacking in us.

As we learn to trust God more, Jesus also asks us to extend the same trust to others. He wants us to have faith and to expect the best in people because we love them. We should not fear being vulnerable. We should not fear the possibility of getting hurt. And yes, it might be difficult at times, but we take comfort in the knowledge that Jesus goes before us. Whatever the Lord asks of us, He has already done.

A trusting heart is a gentle one.

Jesus’ heart is meek, humble, and gentle because it rests in the Father. A trusting heart is full of peace because it stays connected to the presence of God in each moment. If we cultivate trust in our hearts, we can walk lightly in this world with a gentle spirit and a kind manner. Christ tells us not to be afraid, but instead to trust in His love that is true, lasting, and without conditions. In this way, we can truly rest from fear, anxiety, pain, heartbreak, and disappointment. We can rest knowing that God is our refuge, our strength, and our portion. We do not live in fear of anything because no matter what happens, Christ is enough. God alone satisfies.

Let nothing trouble you

Let nothing frighten you

Everything passes

God never changes

Patience

Obtains all

Whoever has God

Wants for nothing

God alone is enough.

– St. Teresa of Avila & St. John of the Cross
Taking A Leap of Faith: How I Made A Decision with God

January 22, 2021

Indecisiveness is one of my major character flaws. I know this because of the many times that I have had difficulty on making even the smallest decisions like where to eat, which movie to watch, or which book to read. I make a choice, and then five seconds into it, I change my mind. Don’t even get me started on making plans because my mind would drift from one good option to another. I make future commitments and then I realize too late that it’s not for me. I would postpone. I would cancel on the last minute.

I used to think that maybe this is my way of refusing to grow up, because only true adults stick to their commitments. The other side of my brain wants to make the best possible choice so I labour over my decisions, and yet after I make them, I want to leave room for some form of spontaneity. I want to give myself enough breathing room to be able to change my mind. I want to make a good decision, but I also want to be able to step away from it at any point in time. It is not a very peaceful way to live. Not only does it consume a lot of time and energy that I could have productively invested somewhere else, it makes me feel bad about myself for not being brave enough to assume full responsibility for my words and actions. As you know by now, I’m still a work-in-progress on this area.

In 2018, I attended a silent retreat in Sacred Heart Retreat House in Novaliches. It was called the Spiritual Exercises, and a key part of that retreat involves discerning the will of God by reflecting on life events, examining desires, and asking God in prayer to reveal His plan. At the time, I realized that my fulfillment in my work primarily comes from being able to engage in meaningful connections with people. I knew that God gave me a gift for writing, and that it was something I wanted to give back to Him. Writing gives me great joy, and I can get lost in it for hours. I also had the desire to study psychology and pursue a career in teaching and training.

After that retreat, I applied for graduate school and moved jobs so I can be closer to the university. However, I was rejected because I wasn’t ready to give up my day job to immerse myself completely in this new field. They wanted my full commitment to make sure that I will finish the rigorous program. I had financial obligations at the time, so I couldn’t possibly give up my job. After that, I just focused on my work and I was highly involved in company activities. I started writing and going to the gym. A year passed and the pandemic started, and I had forgotten about going to graduate school. I filed it as something I would like to do someday.

But God was not done with me. Last October, I received a great job offer from a prestigious company. At the same time, I got in touch with my university professor and he was willing to help me with my graduate school application. He suggested that I pursue teaching while I work on my degree. I prayed to God that I could make a good decision. I chose to accept the job offer, but in my heart I knew that something was not quite right with me. I was uneasy. And though this is hard to admit, I lacked peace after making that decision. I felt that I was veering away from the path that God has already revealed to me. A few months pass by and I was becoming more anxious than before. I couldn’t focus at work. I felt confused and alone. I didn’t understand what was happening to me because I thought that I had made the right choice for myself and my family. I asked God again and again for clarity on His will and courage for me to be able to follow through on it.

The truth is, my heart was somewhere else. I reached out to my family and friends for advice. I opened up to my spiritual director about my situation and my desire. I focused on enduring patiently, while waiting to hear God’s guidance. I knew that if I wanted to take up graduate studies in my university, I would need to do it full-time. I was scared to the bones with the idea of leaving the security of my job to pursue something new, but it was clear to me that God was calling me to make the jump. I asked God multiple times for confirmation, which He so generously gave me. He did not fail. He answered my prayers through different people and in various occasions.

God reassured me that He will never abandon where He leads. That this is His way of increasing my faith because He wants me to rely on Him for security and not on myself. He reassured me that His hand is on my life, that nothing is wasted on Him, that He can transform me into someone new. Through the priest’s reflection in the Sunday Mass, God reminded me that I should not pursue success for its own sake, but service in love that doesn’t expect anything back. That Christ should be the summit of everything I do in life, not status, nor material security, nor worldly success. After receiving these messages, I didn’t rush into making my decision. I spent the holidays trying to piece it all together and open my heart to God.

Recently, I decided to leave my job and apply for graduate school again. I want to give it my full commitment this time. My indecisiveness melted into trust and surrender. I don’t know yet what is going to happen. I don’t know if I’ll get accepted into graduate school. What I know is that I feel at peace knowing that God is in control. I rest now knowing that I am following the vision that He gave me. If this is what God wants for me, then He will make it happen. The decision He asked of me was not complicated at all, it was just a matter of saying Yes.

How many times have I made a decision without considering what God thought about it? No wonder I was always second-guessing myself. I wasn’t offering it up to Him. I thought that I should be able to make my decisions according to my own judgment, and so God was nowhere near my old decision-making process. I thought that I was in control. It’s truly a blessing that God holds on to me so tightly. If there is something I learned from the past few years, it’s that God is faithful in His love and His promises. He is sovereign. He never fails, and I can lean on Him for everything.

One of my favorite lines in the Bible goes like this: “If today you hear His voice, harden not your hearts.” Another translation of this line from Hebrews 3:15 was so funny to me that I could never forget it: “If today you hear His voice, do not be stubborn.” I know how hardheaded I can be, but I’m sure that I am not alone in this. Sometimes, we tend to think that we know better than God which is why we resist Him and try to go our own way. We make our decisions without His blessing. I hope that maybe my story can give you some light on the truth that God brings order into our lives, if only we put Him in the center of it all. He is the ultimate aim and direction of all our choices.

And so when the day comes that He asks us to take a leap of faith for Him, we know what our answer will be. We’ll just say Yes.
Our Hope Is In God

December 11, 2020

At the tail end of 2019, I got myself a planner and started writing my goals for the year ahead. While doing it, I felt really hopeful and happy but it also kind of made me feel anxious. I was imagining a better world and a more confident self. I wanted to be in a totally different place from where I was currently sitting and who I was at the time. I knew that it was going to take a lot of work, and probably a lot of miracles along the way.

But 2020 proved itself to be a year of surrender. With the ongoing pandemic and the ever-shifting emotional climate, this year made us realise how little control we really have over the course of the year, let alone the course of our lives. Everything we have is granted for a moment, and in any point in time, it can all be taken away. We look at 2020 and we are continuously bewildered at how things can tumble for the worst.

Where is God in all this? I believe that He is here, walking in our midst, presenting us with new opportunities and challenges. The Bible says that God’s love for us renews with every morning:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
His mercies never come to an end;
They are new every morning;
Great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23

Amidst our unpredictable environment, God is the constant presence we can count on. He is the Good Shepherd who calls and protects His sheep. He goes out of his way to find the lost. Under His supervision and protection, we can rest. There is no need to be in control where surrender is possible to God.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 23:1-4

Since we believe in the faithfulness and protection of our God, we don’t live in fear even in the most challenging times. We walk by faith. In light of grace, we proceed.

Our reward is not far off in some unreachable distant place. God knows how forgetful and afraid we can be, so He meets us where we are. This is why we celebrate Advent. In our darkest moments, we turn to Jesus Christ who was born in a lowly manger to show us that God has come. He is Emmanuel, the God with us.

We do not pray to a God is oblivious and indifferent to our experience and weakness. We pray to a God who walks with us, One who understands our humanity. He comes to us through His Holy Spirit – the Advocate – who meets us daily in our homes, in our jobs, in our families, and in our solitude. With each morning, His mercy and His love renews. 2020 is almost over, but our hope is not lost. For our hope is in God.

We wait in hope for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
even as we put our hope in you.
Psalm 33:20-22
Want To Be More Present? Press Pause.

August 22, 2020
All too often in life we become distracted by the immediate, tangible tasks of everyday. We speed through our moments such that we can’t even tell what day it is. We live for the weekend and yet it passes us by in an instant. And then we dread waking up to another Monday morning just to go through the exact same thing over again. The blur permeates our waking days and extends through weeks, months, and even years. Unknowingly, we fall into a cycle of routine which will continue if we let it go unquestioned. The familiarity of it breeds comfort, and we settle into that comfort nicely. Never stopping to check if we’re still heading to the right direction. Repressing the curiosity to explore and dismissing the hard questions. Ignoring the problems and postponing them for another day. And we wonder why we feel lost, exhausted, and stuck.

Be Present To Press Pause

In 2018, I participated in my first silent retreat. At the beginning, it was the most uncomfortable experience. I was used to the incessant work messages, social media notifications, and endless stream of content in my phone. By not having my phone by my side, I felt like I lost a limb. In a guided silent retreat, participants are not allowed to look and speak to each other. It was 4-day retreat, and everyone is expected to stay in silence. The schedule involved a lot of time for spiritual talks and meditations, time for quiet prayer (alone or with a group), and free time which you are free to spend reading, journaling, or walking around the retreat house. It was challenging to say the least. The first 2 days were especially hard because my mind was everywhere. I was distracted in prayer. I was fidgety, waiting for a notification or a text that will not come.

But now, if I could go on a silent retreat at least once a week I would. Because I learned in that encounter that the very act of clearing away all the distractions also means leaving space for what’s essential. When you give yourself permission to be present, you’ll be able to experience a distinct fullness of life: fully occupying your mind, your body, and the space where you are, paying attention to the present moment as it unfolds. This form of mental cleansing is painful at first because you will experience some type of withdrawal from not having the usual stimulation and the dopamine high from your phone or laptop. But by practising presence, sooner or later you’ll realize how mentally and emotionally absent you can be everyday. When your mind (ergo, your sense of clarity and purpose) is always floating away in a pool of noise, your attention will always be divided, and your participation in life always partial and incomplete. So whenever I feel overwhelmed and unable to focus, I consciously pull myself back to the present moment by breathing deeply and taking in my current environment. Psychologists call this grounding, particularly helpful for those experiencing anxiety.

Pressing pause can be terrifying, especially for a lot of people whose work became their main source of distraction. But in light of God, knowing who He is and what He’s done, He empowers us to put work in its proper place in our lives. Yes, we work to afford a living, but we do not live just to work. There is more to life that we can enjoy. For others, relationships have become their main source of fulfilment and satisfaction, which is also why it is their primary source of worry and frustration. Losing the relationship would mean losing a major part of their identity, and so that comes with its own set of fears and anxieties. We tend to forget that people change and can make mistakes such that we look to our partners to provide for all our emotional needs and in turn, neglecting our relationship with God, which is the most important and central to all other relationships because it is what renews and sustains us so that we can love others better.

The process of pressing pause, being present, and clearing away distractions doesn’t mean discounting the value of our work, relationships, and personal aspirations. It does mean a certain level of detachment, which allows us enough breathing space to be able to tell what’s valuable, what’s truly important to us within those spheres. It means spending some quiet time alone, away from the hustle & bustle of our jobs and the pressure from other people’s expectations, in order to seek the wisdom to see things as they truly are. This wisdom, God gives freely to those who ask Him for it.

Be Present To Experience God’s Presence

Being alone in itself is a challenge for a lot of people (myself included) because it often means being alone in my head. The concept of silent prayer tells us that this should not be a cause for fear. Because when we are alone, that is the perfect time to call on God who comes close to those who seek Him. It is in silence of our minds and hearts that we’re able to hear God’s small, still voice. In the Bible, God tells us:

You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. – Jeremiah 29:13

In the beginning of a retreat, participants are often asked to state the key intention that they want to offer to God as they go through the retreat; an objective to narrow their focus in prayer and reflection. In my experience, God would sometimes give a direct answer to my prayer but more often than not, He will give His example through the life of His Son, Jesus Christ. I can’t count how many times in silent prayer when the Holy Spirit would guide me to a particular story in the Gospel, teaching me what I need to know. While I recommend for everyone to come join a retreat (get away for 1-3 days in a retreat house and listen to guided prayer and meditation), it is not possible for many because of their busy lifestyles and commitments. I’m a firm believer that God meets us where we are, and so here are some tips I have for those who want to press pause and experience the presence of God everyday:
- Carve out quiet time to be alone with God. Dedicate around 15-30 minutes to pray in front of your altar, or if that’s not possible, just sit down with an open journal to write. Specify the exact time and place where you plan to do it, and stick to your plan. James Clear calls this ‘implementation intention’, which helps build new habits because you have already reserved that time for that specific activity. When we give time for God, He comes to those who seek Him earnestly.
- St. Teresa of Avila writes of the soul as an interior castle, with many rooms that we explore with God. So when I pray, I try to open my heart to God in prayer. This means laying it all out in the table: all my fears, joys, secrets, anxieties, desires, and especially my sins. Yes, this is a difficult process, but it is worth it. God always knocks on our hearts, but it is always up to us if we let Him do His good work. He can only do that, if we open the door to our hearts. Remember the image of God as our merciful Healer: He will heal our sicknesses and infirmities if we reveal those to Him. When I’m dealing with something difficult or a problem to which I have not found a solution yet, I invite God into it by opening up about it and including Him in the conversation. Being able to name and acknowledge my emotions to God, both the positive and the negative, about matters that are important to me is the most vulnerable yet powerful feeling in the world. What follows is the peace that the world cannot give: the peace that only God can provide.
- After that, I stop talking. It is time to listen to the still, small voice. In the silence of prayer, I let God lead me: either He will give me a grace, an inspiration, an idea on what to do next, or if it’s out of my control, He gives me peace that He will fight that battle for me. Sometimes, in prayer, we often think that we are distracted when some thought bubbles appear. I think that there is merit to check again, and ask yourself: What are the recurring patterns in my prayer? Are there any issues that keep on resurfacing? Any experiences that come back out of the blue? We have to look deeper into these, because what if God is trying to tell you something through these images? When we identify these patterns and present these to God, it is likely that there are lessons there that will help inform our present and help us face our past with acceptance and courage. But how can we tell what is the voice of God that’s leading us? We differentiate the voice of God from the noise of the world by spending some time in silence to quiet the heart and listen to the voice that brings you inspiration, hope in the new things. The good things. The voice that gives you hope.
- When I’m deeply troubled or anxious for the future, I invoke God’s presence, providence, and dominion over my life. In our quiet time, depending on our state of life, It is helpful to think of the different images that reflect some aspect of God’s nature as the –
  1. Lord, our King, who reigns over the universe
  2. Creator, who renews creation and provides for His plans
  3. Good Shepherd, who knows us by name, leads us to still waters to refresh our souls, with whose presence there is nothing I shall want
  4. Crucified Christ who redeems us and frees us from our sins so we can live freely and in abundance of God’s grace
  5. Comforter, who draws close to the brokenhearted, renews their hope
  6. Rock, our unshakeable foundation, solid ground, constant, same yesterday, tomorrow, and today
  7. Shield and Stronghold, who protects us from harm and rescues us from evil
  8. Healer, who is merciful, compassionate, who understands our brokenness and infirmities
  9. Teacher, who will give us wisdom, give light to our path
  10. Father, who embraces His prodigal son and throws Him a grand celebration upon his return
- When feeling down and rejected, take a moment to remember that God loves you NOW. His love is faithful and unchanging. There is nothing can separate us from the love of God. He will part the seas to rescue you from your enemies. He gave His only Son to die on the cross to buy your freedom, redeem you from your sins, and give you a new life. He will provide everything you need. God goes with you.
- Whatever you are doing (walking, washing dishes, grocery shopping), try to notice the present moment and relish in it. Some of my moments of greatest clarity found me when I emptied my mind and focused my attention to the space or activity I’m occupying at the time. There is beauty in the everyday, ordinary life. God is near.
- Finally, we also see glimpses of the face of God through the affirming words and the generous deeds of other people. Be it family, friends, workmates, random people we meet on the street. There is goodness in everyone. As we practice being present, try to recognize God’s presence in other people. In this way, we appreciate them more and begin to see them better. It is easier to express appreciation and gratitude towards others when we know that God dwells in them to be instruments of His love in our lives. The trick is to be able to notice the good qualities of others.
All of these can be done everyday, but we have to be intentional about being present. Our attention is what dictates our perception, which can either limit or widen the quality of our life. When we are fully present, we can do amazing things because it is in the present that we have the freedom and power to act. And when we take the time to press pause and be alone with God, He makes everything clear and He transforms our perspective about our lives so we don’t run in darkness. We walk in the light.
Anxious & Afraid? Find Peace In Presence of God

July 26, 2020
Anxiety is my emotional default mode. I try to plot out uncertain futures with a handful of learning experiences and a few theories under my belt to predict how my choices will lead to certain outcomes.

Fear, on the other hand, is the more insidious default brain setting. In hindsight, I can’t count how many times I acted in an illogical manner, only to realize that I was acting out of fear: A fear of losing. A fear of failing. A fear of lacking control. Fear paints my current situation as a fragile thing: If you’re like me, it’s a lot like standing on shaky ground that feels like it’s going to fall apart anytime.

It is the peace that transcends understanding, a freedom from fear and anxiety. St. Paul reminds us to –

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” – Philippians 4:4-9

In this verse, the antidote to fear and anxiety is summed up in three points: openness in prayer, focused thought, and deliberate practice. All of which lead to an experience of God’s peace, found through acknowledging and submitting oneself to the presence of God.

What is the presence of God? Better yet, who is the presence of God?

The Bible tell us that the presence of God is His Holy Spirit. When Jesus was preparing for His ascension, He promised that the Father will send His Advocate to be with us in every moment of everyday.

“If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever – the Spirit of truth…But you will know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.” – John 14: 15:31

It is the Holy Spirit – our Teacher – who remains in us, intercedes for us, and gives us the grace of peace. The gifts of the Holy Spirit include wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord. Thinking about these gifts of the Spirit brings a lot of consolation, because we know that God indeed blesses us with every spiritual blessing we need.

In the Bible, the Holy Spirit is also symbolized by (1) fire that ignites the spirit, energizes our inner life, and sets the heart aflame with love for Christ; (2) the wind that embraces and brings relationships & communities together; as well as (3) through languages, the tongues of fire that speaks directly to the heart and tears down barriers between souls. The Holy Spirit is the face of God who shines brightly in our lives, lighting our path:

“But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” – John 14:26-27

The Still, Small Voice

As we are all unique, I truly believe that the Holy Spirit communicates to each of us in the most intimate and personal way. But in order to discover that specific manner in which God talks to us, we need to spend some quiet and alone time with God in order for our hearts to be open and receptive to what God has to say. Because He will proclaim the truth. He will speak the most difficult truths for our benefit. He will bring to light all that we try to keep hidden.

In my experiences during the silent retreats that I’ve done in the past 2 years, I realised that the Holy Spirit communicates to me in two distinct ways: (1) visually, by showing me some scenes in the Bible that is relevant to my situation so as to illustrate a lesson I need to learn and (2) also through what I call a “thought bubble”, which can be described as a sudden burst of clarity, a quiet moment of epiphany, a nugget of profound wisdom, and an enduring message of hope that brings me an unexplainable sense of peace that renews me every time I remember it.

Some messages I’ve received in the past are as follows. These are very personal to me, but I’m sharing these to show you that God will communicate to you when you search for Him. Draw close to God, invoke His presence and dominion over your life, and He will draw nearer to you. We may not understand it fully, but He is always reaching out to us through the events and struggles of everyday.
- When I was feeling down and anxious, He told me: All things are passing. Try to be happy where I have placed you because you won’t be in the same place forever. You will never pass this way again.
- When I was telling God to teach me how to love, He told me: Love your Mama and your Papa, affirm and support them as I do with you.
- When I was struggling with a break-up, He told me: The doors I’ve closed, I’ve closed these for your own good. I’ll take care of you, don’t be afraid. I’ll open new doors for you.
- When I was finding it hard to surrender, He told Me: If you love Me, then trust Me. Obey my commandments. Seek first my kingdom, and all these things shall be added unto you.
- When I was offering up my anger and telling God that it’s impossible for me to forgive, He told me: Forgiveness is never about you and them. It’s between you and Me. What I demand / ask of you, I have already done to give you an example. Look at My Son on the cross. The blood of Christ is enough.
How do I know that these messages are from God? It is a little hard to explain, I admit, but these messages certainly could not come from me. I am not wise. Most of the time, I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing. I am always anxious and afraid. I can be overly emotional too. But God has a way of breaking my walls down into the smallest of pieces, touching my heart, and speaking the painful and often shocking truth that sets me free and points me to the right direction. As I read the Bible and encounter more of His Word through the Holy Mass, the messages I’ve received so far have been consistent with what He’s done and how He revealed His character. So now the ball’s in my court: I have to trust God to lead the way.

Anxious & Afraid? Invoke the Presence of God

To conquer fear & anxiety, my pro tip is to turn to God. Whether it be through directly conversing with Him in prayer, focusing your thoughts on His word, or constantly improving in practicing good habits. When in doubt, remember that He is the Creator who reigns over everything. He is the Father who knows you totally – flaws and all – loves you so much that He sent His Son and His Holy Spirit to bring down the walls of sin and bring you close to His divine heart.

The true marvel in this is that in the midst of all our daily effort and search for meaning, we find a loving God who is abundantly blessing us with His presence everyday. The gift of our faith is God Himself. His presence is our only source of lasting peace because He is the fulfilment of our desires. If only we learn to stop and listen to His still, small voice. If only we can pay attention, God will show Himself. And believe me, He will surprise you.
Waiting on God

July 4, 2020
Modern life in the city finds no acceptable excuse for making people wait. Take for example, in food service restaurants, the food is being served on the counter even before the order was completed. For those who don’t want to go out of the house, food delivery is the best option, with the food being delivered in less than thirty minutes. If it takes any more than that, then the meal is free – or worse – the customer cancels and the delivery guy ends up paying for it.

In this capitalist society, time equals money. The implication of this is that we like to rush everything: All tasks are tagged urgent and the firefighting goes on even after we leave the office. Punctuality is seen as a sign of commitment to the job, and the number of hours that you clock in is assumed as the amount and level of effort that you are willing to invest in your work. You have to put in the hours, they say.

And so as we try to navigate our personal responsibilities and work agendas, we try our best to come up with some semblance of balance. We hope that at the end of the day, we were able to keep all the balls up in the air like the great jugglers we think we are. But sooner or later into that process, we come to the conclusion that waiting for something – regardless of what it is – necessitates that the object of our waiting should be (1) important enough, and (2) as essential to our lives such that it is worth the price of waiting. We accept that there is a high cost to waiting, and we think of it in terms of lost time, money, and opportunity.

In one of the reflections during Mass, the priest said that there are only three ways in which God answers our prayers:
- It is either a Yes, which is a cause for celebration because God granted our desire;
- a No, which often looks like a closed door, a redirection to something better or something different than what we originally wanted;
- or Wait, which causes much confusion among those who receive it. We often ask: If God wants me to be happy and wants to give me good things, why is He not giving me what I want NOW?
Noah’s waiting began when he built the ark

In our reflection, let’s take a classic case study from the Bible: that old courageous patriarch who goes by the name Noah. At this point, I highly suggest that you stop to read the full account in Genesis Chapter 6 – 9 to get more context. There is much meaning that we can unpack from these chapters, but for the purpose of our reflection on the value of waiting, I have created a quick outline below.

The story always begins with a person chosen by God from the world.
The Bible says,

“But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord…Noah was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time, and he walked faithfully with God…Now the earth was corrupt in God’s sight and was full of violence. God saw how corrupt the earth had become, for all the people on earth had corrupted their ways.”
– Genesis 6:8-12

God gives this person an overview of His plan, as well as a clear yet daunting task.

So God said to Noah, “I am going to put an end to all people, for the earth is filled with violence because of them. I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth. So make yourself an ark of cypress wood; make rooms in it and coat it with pitch inside and out. – Genesis 6: 12-14

When Noah built the Ark, it was not raining yet. On the surface, it seemed like nothing was happening. But Noah followed God.

Noah did everything just as God commanded him. – Genesis 6:22

In Genesis 8:6-14, Noah waited for days and months as the rain poured and the floods came. He sent a raven and a dove out to look for fertile ground, but both times they came back. There is nothing left to do but to wait.

He sent the dove out again, and it came back with a fresh olive leaf in its beak. Noah looked out and waited a little bit more. But he sent the dove out again, and it didn’t come back. By the time that the waters have fully receded from the earth, Noah was already 601 years old.

The story ends with God’s promise and its sign.

And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind.
Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.” – Genesis 9:8-17

Why do we need to wait on God?

From the story of Noah, we learn the four elements that make up the process of waiting:
1. A person chosen by God
2. To whom God reveals His plan
3. And to whom God assigns a big task
4. That comes with a promise from God and its eventual fulfilment
Sometimes, God makes us wait because He has chosen us to be critical players in His plan. He asks that we follow Him because He will show us the way, but only when we start to walk in the path with Him: Only if we choose to trust Him – and despite all opposition – build the ark.

In this light, the act of waiting means trusting the process – listening to His will, following His directions, and leaving the outcome to God. Waiting is not passive because it requires our full engagement and participation in His plan. God will not bog us down with details, but He will give us enough to get us going: He only gave Noah the overall direction and the relevant instructions as to how to build the ark that will carry God’s chosen ones. The other details, He only revealed to Noah as these happened.

It means placing our hope in God’s plan, believing He got us covered regardless of what happens in our lives.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
– Romans 8:28

This is not to say that waiting will be easy and pain-free. Nothing in our life is absolutely certain. Change is a constant in our lives and often requires much courage. But whatever God asks of us, He also gives us the grace and the strength to do.

In St. Paul’s Letter To Timothy, he calls on the people of God:

Beloved: Bear your share of hardship for the gospel with the strength that comes from God. – 2 Timothy 1:8

Waiting for God means trusting and surrendering to God, knowing that He is faithful in His promises. All the great stories of the Bible exhibit God’s faithfulness. He delivers. Our waiting will not be in vain. Waiting is a Gospel value because it means allowing the Lord to work wonders in your life. Just look at the stories of Abraham and Mary. Our waiting in the Lord ends only in one way: It leads to the fulfilment of His promises. It will be a joy that never ends. A banquet. A feast with the Lord.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
Worship Over Worry

March 21, 2020

In the past few days, I’ve been struggling to wrap my head around the fact that a virus has forced the world to a standstill. When the local headlines started swirling around the spread of COVID-19 across the globe, I didn’t understand yet what it meant and how it will affect daily life as we know it.

As a young professional, much of what constitutes my life revolves around public spaces: I walk to the office every morning for work. I participate in group classes in my gym. I eat out with my friends in restaurants. I spend me-time in coffee shops to read. When I get to leave work early, I attend Mass in the chapel near my office. And when I go back to my dorm at the end of a long day, I share my dorm room with three roommates. There is no such thing as isolation in my world. Quiet time is a luxury I cannot seem to afford.

The funny thing is that now that I am forced to stay home because of the community-wide quarantine, my desire to go out and explore seemed to have grown exponentially in my heart. My longing for what I call “my normal day” is increasing with each passing day.

We Are Exactly Where God Wants Us To Be

But I have a confession to make. I have moments in my life when I feel the sudden urge to run away from it all: from my life, responsibilities, hobbies, and everything I call my own. It is a distinct feeling – and I also believe a temptation – of not being where I am supposed to be. I am not sure if this is a common experience for the young, or maybe it is just my desire to explore. I have been offering it up to God for the last 3 months. When He did respond to my prayer, it came to me when I was walking home with a view of the sunset sky and while enjoying the cool February breeze:

Everything is in passing, so try to be happy where I have placed you. This is exactly where you are supposed to be at this moment in time.

It was a great consolation, and it was an assurance as well: We are exactly where we are needed. We are exactly where God wants us to be. The true opportunity is in where we are, and there is power in embracing the God’s placement because it opens us up to the fullness of our realities.

Jesus assures us that He will be with us until the end of the age. And this knowledge of God holding us in His hand means that we can rest. We are not lost. We are not forgotten. We are not alone. God walks with us. He holds us tightly as we walk the path that He has laid out for us. This is what St. Paul means when he said,

“…I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:11-13

Worry Comes From Relying Too Much On The Self, And Not On God

In the last week of November 2018, I attended the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises for the first time. It was a 4-day silent retreat and I found it to be quite unsettling for the first 2 days. I am not used to the silence, and especially not silence spent in prayer with God. I entered that retreat burdened by worries, until Ate Steph who was facilitating our retreat said:

It is not God’s plan that we are always worried, anxious, and stressed. When we rely on our own strength, we discover our frailty and weaknesses. The Devil wants to make us feel weak and helpless. Rebuke him and remain in the Lord.

In times of uncertainty, it is easy to feel weak and helpless. But the truth is that we are restless because we are relying too much on ourselves. We are unable to find peace because when faced with these big problems, we find ourselves lacking and unable to measure up.

Worship Is The Opposite of Worry

St. Augustine wrote,

My heart is restless until it rests in You.

What does it mean to rest on God? To rest on God means to trust God. It is to lean on Him with faith and confidence that things will work out for the good. We rest on God when we acknowledge our dependence on Him and we accept the fact that He is in control. It also means to place ourselves in a constant state of worship by trusting His plan and surrendering ourselves to His will.

When we focus our gaze on Christ, we are freed from our burdens. When we lift our problems up to God, we gain divine perspective and all of it suddenly seems small compared to His glory. God already conquered the world through Christ. When God goes before us and is fighting for us, what can we be afraid of?

Do not give in to sadness, torment not yourself on brooding. Gladness of heart is the very life of man, cheerfulness prolongs his days. Distract yourself. Renew your courage. – Sirach 30:21 – 23

In this forced quarantine, we have an opportunity before us. Now is the time for renewal and sacrifice. Now is also the time for service and charity. More importantly, in this time more than ever, we are called to rest on God. St. Paul wrote,

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Let your gentleness be apparent to all. The Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything, instead pray about everything. In prayer and supplication, make your requests known to God, and the peace of the Lord, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:4-7
No Fear In Love

February 20, 2020

When I reflect on all the things that I fear, these are usually borne out of my survival instinct: I fear deep waters because I might drown. I fear heights because I might fall. I fear crossing roads because I might get run over by a speeding car. Biologically, fear is a mechanism that has taught me what I need to avoid in order to stay alive.

Another source of fear is a lack of understanding. I fear the future because of what it might have in store for me. I fear travelling alone in another country because I am unaware of their language or their culture.

These two needs – survival and security – result to the emotion that is fear.

At the sight of God, our first response is often fear. I think that the reason for this is because of the exact two things that I mentioned above: We fear the judgment of God that is said to lead to death and condemnation (but we want to live). We also fear God because we do not understand His mysterious nature, which is simply beyond our grasp (and so we question and we refuse to believe).

God, who is Love Himself, knows these things. And so He came down from heaven to meet us where we are.

God could have chosen to enter human history in countless other magnificent ways, instead He sent His Son who came in the form of a baby who was born in a lowly manger. God entered into human history amidst the dirt, the noise, and the confusion of it all.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – John 3:16

He met us where we are, and when He did, He came bearing the face of a newborn. Who can be afraid of a newborn child? A baby’s face invites love, gratitude, and presence from its beholder. God’s love is outpouring and overwhelming such that He came to share our frail human experience. God shared in our needs, our relationships, our daily work and chores, our emotions. God revealed Himself to us through His Son, Jesus Christ.

Anyone who has seen Me has seen the Father. – John 14:9

Because Christ came to fulfill God’s promise of salvation, we begin to understand God. Jesus casts out all our fear because He did not come to bear the judgment of God. He came bearing the mercy of God.

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

– John 3:17

Through the life and works of Jesus Christ, God revealed His love for us by healing us from our sicknesses and brokenness, and for dying on the cross to save us from our sins. Because of God’s perfect love made manifest through the sacrifice of His Son, we are now able to come to God in love.

Many times in the Bible, Jesus assures us:

It is I. Do not be afraid. – John 6:20

Because of Christ, we can approach God without fear. He comes to meet us where we are. He comes to us in love. He comes to us with an open hand, healing our sicknesses and forgiving our sins.
Alone To Pray

February 5, 2020
‘Alone’ is often such a fearful place to be. It doesn’t matter where you come from, how old you are, or what you do for a living. We all enter into pockets of solitude that stretch from moments to months. And while we live in the age of hyperrealistic connectivity because of social media and online chatting, loneliness is as tangible and inevitable as it was before.

I would even argue that it is even more pressing to learn how to experience this feeling today. Because let’s face it, we don’t know how to be alone anymore. Immersed in the continuous and massive amounts content online, we live in an illusion that we can distract ourselves away from ourselves – our thoughts, our questions, and our memories. When faced with solitude, we recoil. We swipe on our phones until we are too tired to think. We watch videos until our eyes are too tired to blink. We pass our time in this way, unable to face the reality of our situation with some level of clarity and quiet reflection that our lives require if we want to find purpose and meaning in the everyday.

First, we need to realize that to be lonely is to be human.

In the book Awaken The Giant Within by Tony Robbins, he says that emotions are guideposts that lead us to a personal truth or a value. He explains that while positive emotions are cues for us to savour and enjoy the present moment, negative emotions point us to an unaddressed need or a violated value. In the case of loneliness, I believe that it points us to our need for deep connection, a sense of belonging, and for the validation and support that only true relationships can provide.

As the saying goes, no man is an island. We need each other. We are relational beings by nature and by design, as we made in the image and likeness of the Triune God. In His three persons – the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit – God is in a state of constant communion. He is Love Himself.

We were created through Love, with Love, and for Love. In this light, we can experience solitude with reverence and in reflection. If loneliness points to our need for love, then we need to ask ourselves:

What is my loneliness trying to reveal to me? Where is it moving me to act? Who is it moving me to love?

Loneliness drives us to seek the company of other people, be it our family, our friends, our loved ones, and our neighbors. It purifies our hearts as we learn to acknowledge and appreciate the presence of other people in our lives. Experiencing loneliness enables us to become more open to others, and in turn, this helps us love others more.

But we need to overcome our fear of solitude, if we are ever to reap its benefits. In mainstream culture, people who engage in voluntary solitude are often depicted as introverted, weird, and somehow abnormal. There is much stigma and anxiety associated with spending time alone because people are afraid of what might happen if they are left to their own devices: They fear the silence, the thoughts, the emotions, the truths that might bubble up the surface of their consciousness. How do we conquer this fear?

To conquer our fear of being alone, we have to remind ourselves that we are never truly alone.

God is Emmanuel, He is with us.

In our moments of solitude, God invites us to put ourselves in His presence, and come to Him in prayer. We have to remember that Jesus also experienced loneliness, particularly in the Garden of Gethsemane. But He didn’t run away from it, instead He entered into it. In the Bible, Jesus frequently sought solitude in order to pray. He goes up the mountain. He goes away from the crowd. In Matthew 6: 6 – 15, Jesus gives us the formula for effective prayer:

But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Jesus then teaches us the Lord’s Prayer, which guides us in lifting our hearts to the God who is Our Father.

And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. This, then, is how you should pray:

Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be your name,

your kingdom come,

your will be done,

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

And forgive us our debts,

As we have also forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,

But deliver us from the evil one.

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

While this material is rich for reflection, three things stand out in our quest to conquer our fear of solitude:
1. Dependence on God – In prayer, we call God as Our Father and we ask that His will may be known to us. In our solitude, let us ask ourselves: What is God’s will for me? In what areas of my life do I need God’s presence and providence?
2. Forgiveness – To be forgiven of our sins, we are called to forgive others. In our solitude, let us ask ourselves: In what ways have I sinned against God? Are there sins committed against me that I need to forgive?
3. Protection of God – Finally, it is often during our alone time that we notice our human weakness. We feel discouraged, anxious, doubtful, and afraid. These negative emotions lead us to some form of truth about ourselves (a need or a value as per Tony Robbins), but we also recognize the reality of the devil who wants to hinder our growth and derail us in our journey. We need God’s protection from temptations and from evil. We need the armor of God, we need His strength and His shield. In our solitude, let us ask ourselves: How am I feeling? Why I am feeling the way that I do? In what areas of my life do I need to surrender to God.
The Lord calls us to pray without ceasing because this is where the Lord gives us rest. He is our source of peace, and our hearts are restless until it rests in Him.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
– Philippians 4:6 – 7

His burden is light because He carried it with love. To Him, we surrender and entrust our burdens. Jesus did not promise to take away our trials and our suffering, but He did promise to be with us every step of the way. His presence gives peace to our hearts because we know that He will lift us up when we are heavily laden or burdened.

In our solitude, He is with us.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
– Matthew 11:28-30
Start with Surrender

January 14, 2020

A new year is a clean slate, or so we think.

For many, the beginning of a new year merits celebration because (yay!) there are no mistakes in it yet. It is a chance to be new again. As the clock strikes twelve and the calendar beams with a proud January 1, we feel ecstatic and hopeful that we can be better. That this time, things will be different.

If you’re a planner like me, a clean slate is not exactly ‘clean’. It has defined S.M.A.R.T. goals and deadlines from a previously completed planning phase. The year ahead is already partially filled with expectations, anxieties, and potential worst case scenarios that require preparation and care. The problem with this approach is that it relies too much on the person (a.k.a. me), a fallible – and too often unmotivated – human being. While a detailed game plan does give a clear sense of direction, it also leaves no room for flexibility because any deviation from “the plan” will look like an aberration to be filed under ‘Things That Were Not Supposed To Happen’. This is a popular category, also commonly known as LIFE. Welcome, it’s fun.

In contrast, the story of the Gospel has a rather curious beginning. It starts not with a careful human plan, but with surrender to God. As seen in Luke 1:26-38, the scene of the Annunciation revolves around two key characters: the angel Gabriel and a young girl named Mary.

Announcement of the Birth of Jesus

In the sixth month, the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a town of Galilee called Nazareth,to a virgin betrothed to a man named Joseph, of the house of David, and the virgin’s name was Mary.

And coming to her, he said, “Hail, favored one! The Lord is with you.” But she was greatly troubled at what was said and pondered what sort of greeting this might be.

Then the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Jesus.He will be great and will be called Son of the Most High,and the Lord God will give him the throne of David his father,and he will rule over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.”

But Mary said to the angel, “How can this be, since I have no relations with a man?”

And the angel said to her in reply, “The holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. Therefore the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God.And behold, Elizabeth, your relative, has also conceived a son in her old age, and this is the sixth month for her who was called barren; for nothing will be impossible for God.”

Mary said, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.” Then the angel departed from her.

While countless messages can be unpacked from this joyful mystery, I would like to offer one point for our reflection as we jumpstart 2020:

The story of salvation starts with God’s plan and human surrender.

Leave The Planning To God

Our lives will be more than our plans, our wants, and our expectations. Yes, it matters to have direction and goals in life. However, when we only focus on ourselves, we only see a narrow and incomplete picture of who we can become. Our stories and destinies will ultimately depend upon God’s will. More than our desires, we are inclined and led towards God’s higher purpose for our humble lives.

As the angel approached Mary with a greeting, she was troubled. Why? She was called “the favored one” – in other versions – “full of grace”. The angel tells her not to be afraid and goes about to explain God’s plan for her to become the mother of Jesus. In this story, God’s plan for Mary marks the fulfilment of His promise of salvation to His people. Jesus is the plan and the promise of God.

With this in mind, it is good to ask ourselves these questions as we create our 2020 goals and bucket lists: Have I considered Christ in my plans? Is God calling me to a certain direction this 2020? What is God’s will for me?

It Begins With Surrender

Even though God’s will prevails over all, He has made us free and has given us the power to make our own choices. He then invites us and asks us to participate in his grand plans. It is remarkable how much God can do with a simple ‘Yes’. Mary is our best example: Her ‘Yes’ opened the gates of heaven and allowed Christ to enter human history.

Surrender means leaving room for God. It means being open to His will and His way. It means abandoning paths, switching lanes, suspending plans, so God can work His wonders in our lives. It means giving God the free hand, letting Him guide our lives to His purpose. It also means letting God surprise us. It means living life one day at a time, surrendering to the present moment, and finding peace that we are exactly where we are supposed to be.

Surrender is also the active act of placing our trust in God. Mary’s ‘Yes’ to God was not passive nor was it an easy one. She was a young virgin set to be married. If she was to be found with a son, it will surely be a scandal. But the angel reminded her of Elizabeth’s miraculous pregnancy, and how nothing is impossible for God. And so Mary put herself in God’s hands with a ‘Yes’ that springs from a place of deep trust and faith in Him:

Inspired by the heart of Mary, let us ask ourselves: In which areas of my life do I need to surrender to God? How do I better participate in God’s plan for my life? How do I respond to His call this 2020?

Finally, as we begin to reflect on these questions, it is good to remember that the new year is filled with many chances and opportunities to grow. As we focus our gaze on God and His will, I pray that we can navigate our way through 2020 with faith and total confidence in God whose plans and ways are greater than our own.