Magis Catholic

‘Alone’ is often such a fearful place to be. It doesn’t matter where you come from, how old you are, or what you do for a living. We all enter into pockets of solitude that stretch from moments to months. And while we live in the age of hyperrealistic connectivity because of social media and online chatting, loneliness is as tangible and inevitable as it was before. 

I would even argue that it is even more pressing to learn how to experience this feeling today. Because let’s face it, we don’t know how to be alone anymore. Immersed in the continuous and massive amounts content online, we live in an illusion that we can distract ourselves away from ourselves – our thoughts, our questions, and our memories. When faced with solitude, we recoil. We swipe on our phones until we are too tired to think. We watch videos until our eyes are too tired to blink. We pass our time in this way, unable to face the reality of our situation with some level of clarity and quiet reflection that our lives require if we want to find purpose and meaning in the everyday. 

First, we need to realize that to be lonely is to be human.

In the book Awaken The Giant Within by Tony Robbins, he says that emotions are guideposts that lead us to a personal truth or a value. He explains that while positive emotions are cues for us to savour and enjoy the present moment, negative emotions point us to an unaddressed need or a violated value. In the case of loneliness, I believe that it points us to our need for deep connection, a sense of belonging, and for the validation and support that only true relationships can provide. 

As the saying goes, no man is an island. We need each other. We are relational beings by nature and by design, as we made in the image and likeness of the Triune God. In His three persons – the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit – God is in a state of constant communion. He is Love Himself.

We were created through Love, with Love, and for Love. In this light, we can experience solitude with reverence and in reflection. If loneliness points to our need for love, then we need to ask ourselves:

What is my loneliness trying to reveal to me? Where is it moving me to act? Who is it moving me to love? 

Loneliness drives us to seek the company of other people, be it our family, our friends, our loved ones, and our neighbors. It purifies our hearts as we learn to acknowledge and appreciate the presence of other people in our lives. Experiencing loneliness enables us to become more open to others, and in turn, this helps us love others more. 

But we need to overcome our fear of solitude, if we are ever to reap its benefits. In mainstream culture, people who engage in voluntary solitude are often depicted as introverted, weird, and somehow abnormal. There is much stigma and anxiety associated with spending time alone because people are afraid of what might happen if they are left to their own devices: They fear the silence, the thoughts, the emotions, the truths that might bubble up the surface of their consciousness. How do we conquer this fear? 

To conquer our fear of being alone, we have to remind ourselves that we are never truly alone.

God is Emmanuel, He is with us. 

In our moments of solitude, God invites us to put ourselves in His presence, and come to Him in prayer. We have to remember that Jesus also experienced loneliness, particularly in the Garden of Gethsemane. But He didn’t run away from it, instead He entered into it. In the Bible, Jesus frequently sought solitude in order to pray. He goes up the mountain. He goes away from the crowd. In Matthew 6: 6 – 15, Jesus gives us the formula for effective prayer:

But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 

Jesus then teaches us the Lord’s Prayer, which guides us in lifting our hearts to the God who is Our Father. 

And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. This, then, is how you should pray:

Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be your name,

your kingdom come,

your will be done,

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

And forgive us our debts,

As we have also forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,

But deliver us from the evil one.

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

While this material is rich for reflection, three things stand out in our quest to conquer our fear of solitude: 

1. Dependence on God – In prayer, we call God as Our Father and we ask that His will may be known to us. In our solitude, let us ask ourselves: What is God’s will for me? In what areas of my life do I need God’s presence and providence? 
2. Forgiveness – To be forgiven of our sins, we are called to forgive others. In our solitude, let us ask ourselves: In what ways have I sinned against God? Are there sins committed against me that I need to forgive? 
3. Protection of God – Finally, it is often during our alone time that we notice our human weakness. We feel discouraged, anxious, doubtful, and afraid. These negative emotions lead us to some form of truth about ourselves (a need or a value as per Tony Robbins), but we also recognize the reality of the devil who wants to hinder our growth and derail us in our journey. We need God’s protection from temptations and from evil. We need the armor of God, we need His strength and His shield. In our solitude, let us ask ourselves: How am I feeling? Why I am feeling the way that I do? In what areas of my life do I need to surrender to God.

The Lord calls us to pray without ceasing because this is where the Lord gives us rest. He is our source of peace, and our hearts are restless until it rests in Him. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

– Philippians 4:6 – 7

His burden is light because He carried it with love. To Him, we surrender and entrust our burdens. Jesus did not promise to take away our trials and our suffering, but He did promise to be with us every step of the way. His presence gives peace to our hearts because we know that He will lift us up when we are heavily laden or burdened.

In our solitude, He is with us. 

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

– Matthew 11:28-30